Forward, Brave You

2012

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get over the hurt.  That is what is expected after all. Suck it up and get over it. Put on your big girl panties and all that. But as the days, weeks, months and now years pass by I realize more and more that I am not over my husband walking out. I am not over the emotional devastation that followed. I am not over the insecurities or the sadness or the memories. What I have done is move forward. I have gathered myself together and moved forward.  All that is left for me in the memories of that painful time is heartache. To spend too much time there would only suck me in and draw me down a spiraling path I do not want to follow. It only takes a scent, a word, a glance at a photo from then to take me right back to that time. And sometimes I do linger there for a bit. I let the memories wash over me, but I no longer allow them to sweep me up and carry me away in their current. I am stronger now, but it would be inaccurate to suggest I am over the hurt. My husband’s departure from my life left a hole, a rip, a jagged tear. It will remain a part of me all of my life. And it’s okay. That pain has made me the woman I am today and will continue to influence the woman I will become. I am learning to embrace the hurt. Use it to fuel my strength. Not to be hardened by it but rather emboldened. Some experiences are not meant for you to get over. So, don’t waste another moment of your amazing life trying to. But do move forward a braver, stronger, wiser you.